Friday, November 5, 2010

David Reviews...Plants Vs. Zombies (iPhone Version)

Real zombies in real life do not eat leafy greens and drive zambonis. I am an expert on this subject because I am a hipster.

Rating: Cartoon (-2), zombies done wrong (-1000). Looks like -1002.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

David Reviews...Costume Quest

You get to dress up as things like this and the Statue of Liberty. No worries though; they become cool looking in battle.

Rating: Anything can happen on Halloween

Monday, October 25, 2010

David Reviews...Gamma World

This is not an original idea, WotC. Get off it.

Rating: 1 Nuclear War

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

David Reviews...Super Meat Boy

This game is too simple. There are no power-ups and no weapon drops.

Rating: Booooooring.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

David Reviews...Playing Rock Shows

This is the scariest thing you'll ever do. And I'm no longer talking about playing rock shows.

Rating: 666

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Monday, October 4, 2010

David Reviews...Nintendo Power

It's like Yo Gabba Gabba but in book form.

Rating: Because rapist's love it. 8/10

David Reviews...Apartment Living

Same picture.

Rating: 825 dollars a month

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

David Reviews...Metroid: Other M

If you liked Super Metroid or the newer Metroid Prime series, you'll enjoy Other M. They took those two series', haphazardly glued them together, and pissed on them.

Rating: 1 Ruined Franchise

Friday, August 20, 2010

Ron Reviews... David, Ron, and Clock

This is the 6th image found when Google Image Searching "David Ron and Clock". David is on the left, Ron in the center, and Clock on the right.

Rating: Did I just spoil the identity of clock??????? (I did not)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

David Reviews...Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

If you saw Year One, Youth In Revolt, Paper Heart, Nick & Norak's Infinite Playlist, Juno, or Superbad, don't waste your time on this horse shit.

Rating: Not making a pun about your stupid evil exes.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ron Reviews... hospitals

You know, I got a cold last time I went there. Which was yesterday.

Rating: 1-800-705-5797

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

David Reviews...Modding

This shit is illegal. Don't do it.

Rating: So cool though.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

David Reviews...Eating Healthy

Fucking sucks. Lean Cuisine kind of makes it easier.

Rating: $2.99

Friday, July 2, 2010

David Reviews...The Dissolution of Party of Five

This shit is going to be tight.

Rating: Too much Photoshop.

David Reviews...Soccer

Brazil needed Pharaoh Man as their goalie. Woulda got less points scored against them.

Rating: Sports

Monday, June 21, 2010

Ron Reviews... Balanidhren

Can you locate the spoiler in this picture? Probably only David can.

Rating: I'm not giving you any hints.

Ron Reviews... Super Mario Galaxy

Sometimes, when all inverted on a planet, it controls just as well as Super Mario 64. That is not a complement.

Rating: 120 stars (probably, I mean, what other number of stars would they use? It's a Mario game.)

Ron Reviews... 3DS

This, without glasses? How does that work?

Rating: glasses are the future

David Reviews...His Adventure! Character, Oswald Mark

He's basically a failed Batman.

Rating: 90 (Years too late)

David Reviews...Adventure!

Advenuring in a mildly alternate 1920's? Sign my ass up!

Rating: 10 cents

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

David Reviews...Balanidhren's Solo Battle

Imagine this guy following you around in the dark.

Rating: Sex.

David Reviews...Killface's Solo Battle

I was not paying attention at all.

Rating: Rating.

David Reviews...Sobrek's Solo Battle

I actually enjoyed the gimmick. Who knew?

Rating: One (legit) Crit

David Reviews...Andraste's Solo Battle


Rating: Zero out of Five

David Reviews...Great Deals for XBox 360s

Not worth the (lack of) money.

Rating: Fifty dollars in the pocket

David Reviews...Nintendo 3DS

I prefer glasses because they make me look cool. This system is not for me.

Rating: They just threw a 3 on it.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

David Reviews...Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands

Best PoP game to date. I love all of it.

Rating: 100% (Free game)

David Reviews...God of War III

I have a problem with this game and the amount of Gods of War. I'll give you Ares, and maybe Mars, but this is the third!

Rating: Two (Much of a good thing)

Ron Reviews... Insomnia

It's like a mind-altering drug. But free.

Rating: zero out of the recommended eight

Monday, June 14, 2010

Ron Reviews... Justin Bieber

I hate how it is somehow normal for girls to be given boy names.

Rating: It's Pat

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Ron Reviews... David and Ron Ruin the Classics

Also that one Brand New song from their first CD, with those words in it.

Rating: One failed premise out of countless.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

David Reviews...Camping

Lots of cooking things on sticks. Including your own socks and shoes.

Rating: 6 out of 13 eaten rocks

Ron Reviews... Plates

Has potential, but still lacking to the superior bowl. Although this one has some salad permanently attached to it.

Rating: 4 ceramic tomatoes out of 12

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

David Reviews...Dumb Sluts

Easy to get it the sack, but not worth much else than that.

Rating: 2 giant tits

David Reviews...Mountain Dew Distortion

It's just regular Mountain Dew, which I hate. But it's a majillion times better.

Rating: A trigatillion times better

Sunday, June 6, 2010

David Reviews...New Wonderous Swans Album


Rating: 4 stars

David Reviews...Showering

I think they maybe use less water than filling up a bath tub. Except I have to stand up.

Rating: Someone needs to create a new option for cleaning, because the two that exist just aren't cutting it.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Ron Reviews... Jurassic Park (VHS)

Reminds me of Land of the Lost. I think.

Rating: Cha out of Ka

Friday, June 4, 2010

David Reviews...Inglourious Basterds

This movie was too damned long. Also, innacurate.

Rating: 100 Nazi Scalps out of 100

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Ron Reviews... Starcraft

Better than II. By some.

Rating: 1998 out of 2010.

David Reviews...Photo Dojo

I get to beat up little girls! Only after having taken lots of pictures of them, though.

Rating: 5 Hitler's Wheelchairs out of 5 Dora The Explorers

David Reviews...This Picture of Kitties

Look at 'em dancing! So majestic.

Rating: 4 Nutcrackers out of 5

Monday, May 31, 2010

David Reviews...Playing Rock Band in the Intense Heat

Not worrying about whether or not you're going to sweat (because you already are) makes you rock out at least three hundred percent harder!

Rating: 1 full cup of sweat

David Reviews...The Eye of Judgment

The camera always stays on. It's looking at me.

Rating: It keeps calling me fat.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

David Reviews...All of the Star Wars Films All at Once

I love those two crazy robots! Where's my Timon & Pumba-esque spin-off?

Rating: 2 good movies (4 shit ones)

Saturday, May 29, 2010

David Reviews...Bright Falls

Short and to the point. Like this review.

Rating: Almost as good as LOST.

Friday, May 28, 2010

David Reviews...Drunkeness

I am os drunk right now. I hadf ,like, three or four little wine thingies.

Rating: I actually had thbree of them.

David Reviews...Music

Pictures are better.

Rating: I'm bored.

David Reviews...His Absence

I was drunk.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

David Reviews...Twitter

am eating a sandwich with mah peeps they got sandwiches too #sandwichbitch

Rating: 33 followers

David Reviews...This Photo of a Cat

Whoa! This cat is so damned tough!

Rating: Look out for kitty punches! 5 of 10 on the cuteness scale.