Rating: 1 full cup of sweat
Monday, May 31, 2010
David Reviews...Playing Rock Band in the Intense Heat
Not worrying about whether or not you're going to sweat (because you already are) makes you rock out at least three hundred percent harder!
Labels:
David,
intense heat,
over 9000,
rock band,
sweat,
video game
Sunday, May 30, 2010
David Reviews...All of the Star Wars Films All at Once
I love those two crazy robots! Where's my Timon & Pumba-esque spin-off?
Rating: 2 good movies (4 shit ones)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
David Reviews...Bright Falls
Short and to the point. Like this review.
Rating: Almost as good as LOST.
Labels:
Alan Wake,
Bright Falls,
David,
lost
Friday, May 28, 2010
David Reviews...Drunkeness
I am os drunk right now. I hadf ,like, three or four little wine thingies.
Rating: I actually had thbree of them.
Labels:
David,
drunk,
misspelling
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
David Reviews...Twitter
am eating a sandwich with mah peeps they got sandwiches too #sandwichbitch
Rating: 33 followers
Labels:
33,
David,
sandwichbitch,
twitter,
twitter tags make great jokes,
website
David Reviews...This Photo of a Cat
Whoa! This cat is so damned tough!
Rating: Look out for kitty punches! 5 of 10 on the cuteness scale.
Labels:
cats,
cuteness scale,
David,
kittens,
Kitty,
tough cats
David Reviews...Ball Park Beef Franks
If you like 'em big and juicy, you'll need these bad boys for your next barbecue or get-together!
Rating: Like cocks of black men
David Reviews...Creed
Human Clay equals best album ever. Can't wait for their ten dollah tour to hit around here.
Rating: I don't really have a joke.
Labels:
creed,
David,
human clay
Monday, May 24, 2010
David Reviews...FarmVille Vanilla Ice Cream
Totally great! Though I was more of a FarmTown guy myself, and their FarmTown Chicken & Stars is much better.
Rating: 17 out of 40
Labels:
chicken and stars,
David,
farmtown,
farmville,
food,
ice cream,
satan's return,
vanilla,
why is this real?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
David Reviews...LOST Finale
So LOST was an allegory of the Bible? Except the island was God and God was car exhaust?
Rating: 108
Labels:
David,
finale,
lost,
television,
whatever
David Reviews...Pizza
It's the perfect food. Covers nearly every food group.
Rating: $11.99 plus delivery charge
Labels:
David,
domino's new pizza,
food,
pizza
David Reviews...Trader Joe's Jalapeno Pub Cheese
Delicious whipped texture with the taste of cheddar and jalapenos! A must have for any party!
Rating: 3/100
Labels:
David,
food,
jalapeno,
pub cheese,
trader joe's
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Ron Reviews... Shaq Fu
Shaq Fu is Shaqtarded.
Rating: Chaos in the Windy City out of Shut Up and Jam!
Rating: Chaos in the Windy City out of Shut Up and Jam!
Labels:
barkley,
basketball sucks,
jordan,
Ron,
shaq,
video game
David Reviews...Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
I miss the days when DS games either ended with the letters 'DS' or their subtitles began with the letters 'D' then 'S'. This game just reminds me of this, which saddens me.
Rating: Shit. But the other one.
Labels:
Advance Wars,
David,
Days of Ruin,
DS,
video game
David Reviews...You
You know, I know I don't say it, and I probably should, because this is just the kind of thing I should tell you, but I really like your hair. It's just really fun, you know.
Rating: 508-904-5503
Labels:
call me,
date rape,
David,
hair,
person,
phone number,
you,
you're sexy
Friday, May 21, 2010
A Very Special Episode of OoTSR: David Reviews...Date Rape
Get's the job done.
Rating: Two thumbs up.
Ron Reviews... Pac-man
The old bastard turned 30 today (I guess). More like, turned the same level over and over again.
Rating: lazy level design.
Rating: lazy level design.
Labels:
blinky,
clyde,
eat the fruit,
inky,
pac-man,
pinky,
Ron,
video game
Ron Reviews... Starcraft II Beta
KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE... still.
Rating: 1999
Rating: 1999
Labels:
beta,
Ron,
starcraft II,
video game,
zerg rushes are still neat
Ron Reviews... One (Or Two) Sentence Reviews
You would think they would have gotten old by now.
Rating: 0 jumped sharks
Rating: 0 jumped sharks
Labels:
one (or two) sentence reviews,
Ron,
shark,
the fonz
David Reviews...Super Mario Galaxy 2
Ratchet & Clank did the space-themed platformer better, except they use giant murderous weapons instead of dressing up as animals and clouds, So it really comes down to preference.
Rating: 1 Cloud Suit out of 3
Labels:
Clank,
clouds,
David,
mario,
Ratchet,
Super Mario Galaxy,
video game
Thursday, May 20, 2010
David Reviews...Negaverse Party of Five Battles
I'm just straight up going to kill myself next time. Character development.
Rating: 2 (Many)
Labels:
David,
dnd,
Negaverse,
Party of Five,
Sailor Moon
David Reviews...Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (book)
I don't think a pilgrim incited the first World War. Maybe this is a War of the Worlds prequel.
Rating: 78 Stars
Labels:
book,
David,
Scott Pilgrim,
Vs. The World
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Ron Reviews... The 15th Anti-Party of Five battle
This is pretty original.
Rating: (#not, #lieswetellmower)
Rating: (#not, #lieswetellmower)
Labels:
dnd,
mower,
Ron,
twitter tags make great jokes
David Reviews...Double Down
The bacon is only there to pad your death. The cheese is to smother your feelings.
Rating: 2, duh
Labels:
David,
double down,
KFC,
KGC
David Reviews...Alan Rhodes
He invented dirt just so that he could bury you in it.
Rating: 107 foot tall statue
Labels:
Alan Rhodes,
Colossus of Rhodes,
David,
dirt,
person
Ron Reviews... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Hey, I'mma teabag this ninja.
Rating: Turtle Soup!!!!1111
Rating: Turtle Soup!!!!1111
Labels:
jeremy drinking i guess,
Ron,
TMNT,
video game
David Reviews...Halo
Good story. Could use a cliffhanger ending to really keep me ensnared.
Rating: 4
Labels:
David,
Halo again,
video game
Ron Reviews... Red Dead Redemption
How can I review a game that I don't have?
Rating: I'm drunk.
Rating: I'm drunk.
Labels:
drinking,
rockstar,
Ron,
video game
David Reviews...The DaVinci Code
DaVinci killed all those people almost five hundred years after he died? Didn't read this, but played the video game and read the back of the book.
Rating: 2 (Page chapters make you feel smart) out of 5
David Reviews...Travian
Like Animal Crossing but without the collectibles, NES games, interactions, menial tasks, cute jibber-jabber, fun world, adorable gameplay, or fun.
Rating: 1 out of 2 stars
Labels:
Animal Crossing,
David,
Travian,
video game
David Reviews...Bioshock
Is this supposed to be the 60's or some shit? Where are the cowboys and pirates?
Rating: 12 Dead Little Sisters. Fuck you.
Labels:
bioshock,
David,
video game
David Reviews...Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES Original)
It turns out that this game is just as fun as you remember it if you throw cheese onto the contacts before putting it into your NES.
Rating: 3 Dead Turtles (Save Donny for last)
Labels:
David,
NES,
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
TMNT,
video game
David Reviews...Heavy Rain
You don't know who the killer is because they make shit up the whole way through so that it doesn't make any fucking sense this game is dumb David cage can't make a story period
Rating: 6 out of 6.25
Labels:
David,
Heavy Rain,
video game
David Reviews...Final Fantasy XIII
I just wish they would have the story happen in the cutscenes and not in the book thing. Also, all the characters suck.
Rating: 32 Hours of Tutorial
Labels:
13,
David,
final fantasy,
video game,
XIII
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
David Reviews...Torchlight
Remember when Too Human made it so that I didn't have to click to play this type of game? This is a step backwards for humanity.
Rating: Too Human Too
Labels:
David,
Too Human,
Torchlight,
video game
David Reviews...World Of Goo
I call it Girls Of Spoo.
Rating: However many cumshots are considered a bukake.
David Reviews...Megaman Soccer
Pharaohman is the best goalie ever.
Rating: 2 Touchdowns
Labels:
David,
Megaman Soccer,
video game
Ron Reviews... BrĂ¼tal Legend
"Hey guys, I'm stepping out for a bit; I don't have my keys, so please don't lock me out"
Rating: -52 Faloophalumps
Rating: -52 Faloophalumps
Labels:
brĂ¼tal legend,
Ron,
video game
David Reviews...Brutal Legend
The Psychonauts reference right at the beginning was the best part.
Rating: 53 or 175 Faloofallumps
Labels:
Brutal Legend,
David,
Psychonauts,
video game
David Reviews...Halo: Reach Beta
I had a jetpack in Tribes back in the 90's.
Rating: 1998
Labels:
Halo again,
Tribes,
video game,
waffles
Ron Reviews... Warcraft II Multiplayer
Fuck helping others out, I'mma just gonna play single player.
Rating: Ready to work
Rating: Ready to work
Labels:
Ron,
video game,
Warcraft II
David Reviews...Jeremy's Laptop
Ssssshhhhhh....sssshhhhheeeeeessshhhhhhhhh....cancer.
Rating: Seven Hundred Dollars
David Reviews...Politicks
They all diddle each other.
Rating: 70 or however old most of them are
Labels:
David,
government sucks,
nazis,
political bullshit
David Reviews...Whatever Your Favorite Band Is
Yeah, they're kinda cool, but aren't they just a rip-off of Linkin Park?
Rating: 1 Meteora
Labels:
David,
Linkin Park,
music
David Reviews...Twisted Metal (The One With Rob Zombie In It)
HE FUCKING DRIVES THE DRAGULA!!!
Rating: DRAGULAAAAA!!!
Labels:
David,
dragula,
Twisted Metal,
video game
David Reviews...Hello Kitty Online
I'm going to win Hello Kitty Survival Island because...uh...I'm going to win Hello Kitty Survival Island!
Rating: 2112
Labels:
David,
Hello Kitty,
Hello Kitty Online,
Rush,
video game
David Reviews...WarioWare D.I.Y.
They might as well give you a blank piece of paper and a broken pencil.
Rating: 3 'Punch Jeremy's
David Reviews...Red Dead Redemption
I like horses instead of cars.
Rating: 100
Labels:
David,
Red Dead Redemption,
video game
David Reviews...Alan Wake
I hope you like text.
Rating: 10 Stephen Kings
Labels:
Alan Wake,
David,
video game
David Reviews...Pokemon HeartGold
My pokewalker is all busted.
Rating: 498 + 1 or something like that
Labels:
David,
HeartGold,
Pokemon,
Pokewalker,
video game
David Reviews...3D Picross
It's like Picross, but Avatar.
Rating: 17 horrible movie trends making their way into my games (3DS? I said it.)
Labels:
3D Picross,
David,
video game
David Reviews...Dead Space
Bring extra pants.
Rating: 13000 Space Credits
Labels:
David,
Dead Space,
video game
David Reviews...Mass Effect
The Citadel is a Reaper. Don't tell Jane.
Rating: 12
Labels:
David,
Mass Effect,
Spoilers,
video game
David Reviews...Warcraft II
Your sound card is working perfectly.
Rating: 2 Starcrafts
Labels:
David,
video game,
Warcraft II
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